23 hour flight from LaGuardia HELL to phoenix.
I got my reservation from the internet, printed my 3 page receipt even though it is an E-ticket from
expedia, flying with United. Here goes;
I arrived at LGA about 1 hour before the flight (5pm flight), I went to the United check-in desk and the
lady couldn't find my name in the computer, then finally she tells me that they share flights with US Air,
and I had to go to the US Air terminal (let the fun begin).
So I had to run (with my 4 bags) down to the departures section and find an inter-terminal bus, after
waiting 5 minutes I jumped into a taxi thinking I would miss my flight. I finally get to the US Air terminal
(which was all the way around the airport) and finally get to the check-in desk and you guessed it, too late for me to catch this plane (gee, what a surprise).
The lovely lady (not) behind the counter is able to get me on the next available flight to O-Hairy Chicago and tells me I can make my original second half connection but I only have 25 minutes to catch that flight. She tells me I can do it with my long legs. So I am sitting in the airplane with my 4 bags in the overhead
compartment (cannot check my bags because of the quick transfer). And to my surprise there are too many carry on bags in the plane, and some have to get loaded into the cargo section (10 minutes).
We finally get to taxi out to the runway. The captain tells us we are now in rush hour and 25 planes are in front of us waiting to take off. 20 minutes goes by and the captain gets on the loud speaker again (oh crap) and tells us we have to make a new flight path to avoid a thunder storm. We now are going to fly east and then north into Canada, then west across Canada and then down into Chicago (1 hour delay).
Of course when I get to Oh-Hairy Chicago the connecting flight is long gone. So the very helpful
customer service lady puts me on standby for the first flight in the following morning (there are no
more flights going out to phoenix tonight sir).
Great, now I am stuck in the middle of an O-HAIRY place, am totally livered and ready to beat something.
I walk and follow signs for hotels, walking, walking and walking some more. I end up in the lobby of the Hilton $300 per night hotel. Looking around I see the airport terminal across the street with shuttles to hotels for the other 99% of the population. So I head over there and get a room at the best western for 69 bucks (reality check).
The next morning (was it all just a nightmare?) I realize that the wake-up call, well, never called, and the alarm
from the cheap crap alarm clock NEVER went off and it is now 6am, and not 5am. No, the nightmare is not over. (the only alarm clock that ever went off was my internal human clock and that one is set for 6am).
I frantically get ready and down to the lobby, I see the shuttle driver and 5 or 6 people with their luggage
having a quick bite to eat before they leave, it is now 6:25am. So I have a quick sip of coffee and follow
the driver to the shuttle van ahead of the other travelers. I notice the driver quickly close the rear doors
and get in the van and begin to drive off, standing behind the van with my 4 bags I yell out for him to stop,
and he finally stops and lets me in. What was that all about? (I am obviously the first 6’-4” invisible guy with 4 bags)
I get to the US Air check-in around 7am, thanks to the great shuttle service. The flight is at 8am.
The line is huge and of course there is only ONE person at the counter. I finally get to check in 25 minutes later and she (the official she devil) will not let me check my bags because there is not enough time, AND she will not let me carry-on my 4 bags (2 bags maximum sir). So, the 'Your Sooo Rude' lady puts me on standby for the next available flight (11am).
I wait at the gate for this mystery flight and am first in line for standby, so wouldn't you know it, at 3 minutes before departure
someone decides to show up for their flight and now the plane is full and I cannot get on. Now can't help but think, why wouldn't that “she devil” let me on that previous flight which was close timing, as this person was OBVIOUSLY LATE also.
So, the nice customer service rep at this gate sets me up for another standby (another full plane) for
a flight at 1pm. Tells me, I should be able to get on this flight, no problem (why did I ever believe her??).
Like a fool I go to that gate and wait for eternity. This time everyone showed up (another OBVIOUS overbooking) and they pay 6 people to volunteer to get bumped. Two of which I remember their faces.
This customer service rep thinking she is smart, decides she is going to book me on a flight with a guaranteed seat assignment. A 4:10pm flight to phoenix. At this point waiting 3 hours is just a spit in the bucket.
I am walking around aimlessly and notice a flight to phoenix leaving at 3pm, so I investigate and sure enough I am able to get onto this flight. We are now all on board and ready to go. Who do I see sitting next to me, those two volunteer bumpees from the 1pm flight. Now I could be wrong here but I HAVE BEEN GETTING BUMPED AROUND SINCE 5PM THE NIGHT BEFORE so why would volunteers get a booking before me, someone who is not volunteering, and not getting a whole bunch of free travel perks!!! Oh yes, sit out this flight please, and we will give you each a $200 travel voucher to anywhere in the USA and free diner, and you can resume your travels on the next available flight just 2 hours later. Me, waiting since 5pm the night before, a hand full of h2o.
Ok, back to this 3pm flight. We are still sitting at the gate and the stewardess gets on the loud speaker (OH CRAP) and tells us that "our very good captain has done a 'walk around' on the airplane and has discovered fuel leaking from the wing. We ordered the part and it shouldn't take too long to fix. We don't want anyone to get off the plane because we already took your tickets and there will be security issues to deal with. Also, when they begin the repair, we have to turn off ALL power so there will be no electrical problems" (anyone have a lighter?).
I am now looking out the window and see a hefty mechanic pull up and get a black O-ring from his toolbox, walk under the wing, walk back to his tools, grab another O-ring (hmmm, lets see if this one fits). After a few tries, he has what looks like the right part and finishes the job (Part number, we need no stinking part number).
The captain gets on the loud speaker and informs us that we will be taking off in 5 minutes. I did not see a re-fueling but who's looking. When they were repairing the plane I did have a good look around, this was definitely by far the oldest plane I have ever seen, practically duck tape holding the engine together. But nevertheless, that flight was most uneventful and probably the best landing I have seen in quite a while.
